It seemed like weeks before Abby's first visit with the oncologist, though it was only 6 days after the biopsy came back. I was a wreck in the truest sense of the word. I cried constantly and when I wasn't crying I was devouring any and everything I could find about cancer. My Mom was so concerned that she decided she needed to make the trip to Raleigh with me.
We left early that morning and made the hour and a half trip down to N.C. State's Veterinary Cancer Center. Abby could tell something was up and it took her forever to lay down and sleep, when she's normally out like a light after the first 5 minutes. When we got there she really started to panic. I know part of it was her sensing my anxiety but the other part had to do with her figuring out real quick that we were at a vet's office and she hates vet's offices. My saving grace was the electric doors that slid open. I think those remind her of Petsmart, so she went right in, only to start tugging back for the exit once she figured out what was going on. After awhile we dropped her off and headed out. She was scheduled for a CT and further diagnostic testing that would take most of the day. Knowing I had to be distracted or I would go insane, my mom decided we'd grab lunch and then go see a movie. We ate at Quizno's and even though the have the best Chicken Carbonara sandwich in the world, I remember thinking how bland it tasted and how it normally was so good. In between the movies I smoked cigarette after cigarette. I had quit four months prior to this ordeal but as soon as I got the news the first thing I bought was a pack of cigarettes. I smoked way more while we were going through this than I smoked originally. We went to see Bad Teacher, and I kept hearing the audience erupt with laughter and thinking, "What's so funny? This isn't really funny.," though I'm sure it would've been had I been in the right mood.
Finally 4:00 rolled around and it was time to go back and get the results of all of Abby's tests. It started pouring down rain and the skies were dark and angry and I started getting a knot in my stomach, fearful that the clouds might be foreshadowing what was to happen.
The doctor called us back to a waiting room. It looked completely sterile and plain, like the kind of room you'd get bad news in. I felt myself tearing up before he even started talking.
At first he confirmed what we already knew. Abby's tumor was multilobular osteosarcoma. It was indeed attached to her upper left jaw. The location of the tumor was rare as it normally occurred on the bottom jaw. The cancer was unlikely to spread to other bones but there was about a 50% chance of it metastasizing to the lungs. In an ideal situation they would first take care of the tumor by removing it and then work to prevent the spread.
While we were still awaiting the results of the CT, the doctor said it was not likely that the tumor could be surgically removed due to the location. It was too large and growing close to crossing the midline, meaning there was a greater likely hood of any surgical alterations to break down. He felt that any surgery done couldn't remove it marginally and that there would be cancer cells left behind. Due to the aggressive nature of the surgery, he didn't seem to feel that Abby would ever return to the quality of life she had then. He said the median survival time for dogs who had the surgery, whose tumors were completely excised was 2 years.
He thought there was a possibility of doing surgery and then following up with radiation to kill the cells behind, but he felt Abby would most certainly lose her eye. She would have to have radiation daily for four weeks and stay in Raleigh during that time. He indicated that there would be alot of side effects from the radiation and that between the radiation and surgery there was a strong possibility she would need a feeding tube.
He did offer two more options, though he stressed that they would not cure Abby, only buy us more time. He said we could do palliative radiation do decrease the inflammation and pain associated with the tumor, and perhaps temporarily keep it from growing. He recommended giving her 2-3 treatments at a cost of $3200.
In addition to the radiation he recommended starting her on chemotherapy to keep the cancer from metastasizing. He said she may experience some side effects from this and that the average cost of each treatment would be $350. He said this coupled with the palliative radiation might buy us 4-6 months but he couldn't be sure.
While he couldn't be sure exactly what direction the tumor was growing in and what toll it would take on her, none of the outcomes were good. It could grow upwards, slowly pushing her eye out of her socket. Or, it could grow downwards and eventually rupture her pallate, creating a big whole in the roof of her mouth that would make it difficult or impossible to eat. There was a chance it could grow over towards her nasal passage causing her to have difficulty breathing. Or worse yet, it could grow back towards her brain, causing seizures or death. Anyway you looked at it, my baby girl was going to die, and sooner rather than later, unless we did something drastic.
I sobbed like a baby the whole time he was talking. I could hardly choke out words to ask questions. He said he would know more in a few days when he got the results of the CT back, but based on the Xrays and physical exam, he felt confident that what he'd told us probably wouldn't change.
I tried so hard to be strong for Abby when she came out. She has always been so in tune with my emotions, I knew she'd feel my despair. But I couldn't control it. My mom had to drive home so I just crawled in the backseat with Abby and held her and cried all the way home. I didn't even have to talk to my husband to know that he would not be for the aggressive surgery and radiation. I wasn't even sure I could talk him into the palliative radiation and chemo to ease her suffering. At this point I had no idea what to do, but I knew I couldn't imagine my life without her.
It felt as though my heart had been ripped into a thousand tiny pieces and I had no clue how they would ever become whole again.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Chaos Reigns - What we did after the diagnosis
There were three weeks in between Abby and Lucky's diagnosis and in those weeks I was consumed with all things cancer. After Abby's diagnosis we called NC State and made the first appointment with an oncologist that we could get. Our vet was optimistic about the tumor. Telling us that her particular type of tumor was slow growing and she felt fairly certain it would be operable. However, that didn't ease my fears of the unknown and I poured myself into learning anything and everything about cancer.
The first thing I did was purchase books about cancer in dogs. I choose to purchase books about holistic care, as much of my research had pointed to environmental toxins playing a big role in causing cancer. The first I purchased was The Natural Vet's Guide to Preventing and Treating Cancer in Dogs by Shawn Messonier D.V.M. I also purchased Dog Cancer: The Holistic Answer: A Step by Step Guide by Dr. Steven Eisen.
Dr. Eisen's book was very informative and provided a detailed plan of how to get your dog toxin free and living a balanced holistic life. Unfortunately, many of the vitamins and supplements he recommended were very expensive, and the list was so extensive it was impossible for us to afford them all.
Dr. Messonier's book was much more thorough and provided summaries on each type of cancer (which proved helpful once Lucky was also diagnosed), treatment options (both conventional and holistic) and diet and nutrition. While there were also lots of different supplements we couldn't afford, I found this book to be a wealth of information.
After reading the books I came up with a list of questions. Throughout this whole journey I have made list after list to make sure I don't forget anything. If you are just starting this journey these are some helpful questions to ask:
What is the specific diagnosis? (type, grade (if it involves masses) and stage)
What is the chance of it metastasizing? What diagnostic tests will show if it has?
What are my treatment options? How effective are they typically?
What side effects (both common and less common) can I expect from treatments? How do other animals typically respond?
How will I recognize side effects? How long will treatments last and how often will they be?
What are the chances of recurrence after treatment?
What is the prognosis, with and without treatment?
What modifications do you recommend to diet and supplements?
Are there any grants/organizations to help with vet bills related to this?
Of course, I had many other questions specific to my dog and diagnosis but these questions provided a good starting point.
Once the pathology reports came back I turned to Google Scholar to look for relevant articles and case studies. This was much more helpful with Abby because her type of cancer was so rare and treatment options were very limited. The articles are written in medical jargon and can be a bit hard to digest but I plugged right through with my online dictionary and tried to comprehend as best I could. I was constantly finding case studies and forwarding them to our oncologist who I'm sure hated me for it. However, my research later proved to be very, very, useful for Abby.
In regards to nutrition and supplements, I was so overwhelmed with information about supplements and nutrition that I didn't know when to start. Just looking at the piles of articles I'd printed out, notes I'd taken, and books I'd read almost gave me a panic attack because I just didn't know what to do. I finally broke down and visited a holistic vet who gave me good advice on where to start. She gave us some recipes to get us started and a list of supplements. Some of what she told me conflicted with what I'd read, but I was thankful to have some of the information narrowed down and to know at least where to begin (In a few blogs I'll tell you our diet regime for the girls because I know that is one of the things I wanted to know most of all. I can also email the recipes the holistic vet provided as well.) Some online resources I used for nutrition were: free PDF of The Dog Cancer Diet and Nutrition and Cancer, Frontiers for a Cure!
I also decided to remove as many toxins as possible. We literally stopped drinking the water. Ironically enough, all three of our direct neighbors have lost the women in their households to cancer. While there many be no correlation, we can't help but be suspicious and plan to have the water tested. In the meantime we and our pets only drink purified, bottled water. We also switched to all natural cleaning products. I do buy our dish detergent, but buy the kind that is 99.5% natural. I found some great websites that gave recipes for cleaning products and I use those. Often times I find it's cheaper to make my own cleaning products and my house gets just as clean. You may want to check out the websites http://www.csmonitor.com/Environment/Living-Green/2008/1023/how-to-be-clean-and-green/(page)/2 and http://lorettawallace.net/clean_green. I found the second link most helpful because it had more recipes.
And all this was done before we even had the initial consult with the oncologist...Whew! Needless to say I spent many sleepless nights with my book light, a highlighter, and my snoring husband beside me. At some point my family was ready to stage an intervention because they thought I was becoming obsessed. However, in the long run, no matter what anyone else thinks, it is always better to be as educated about your situation as possible.
The first thing I did was purchase books about cancer in dogs. I choose to purchase books about holistic care, as much of my research had pointed to environmental toxins playing a big role in causing cancer. The first I purchased was The Natural Vet's Guide to Preventing and Treating Cancer in Dogs by Shawn Messonier D.V.M. I also purchased Dog Cancer: The Holistic Answer: A Step by Step Guide by Dr. Steven Eisen.
Dr. Eisen's book was very informative and provided a detailed plan of how to get your dog toxin free and living a balanced holistic life. Unfortunately, many of the vitamins and supplements he recommended were very expensive, and the list was so extensive it was impossible for us to afford them all.
Dr. Messonier's book was much more thorough and provided summaries on each type of cancer (which proved helpful once Lucky was also diagnosed), treatment options (both conventional and holistic) and diet and nutrition. While there were also lots of different supplements we couldn't afford, I found this book to be a wealth of information.
After reading the books I came up with a list of questions. Throughout this whole journey I have made list after list to make sure I don't forget anything. If you are just starting this journey these are some helpful questions to ask:
What is the specific diagnosis? (type, grade (if it involves masses) and stage)
What is the chance of it metastasizing? What diagnostic tests will show if it has?
What are my treatment options? How effective are they typically?
What side effects (both common and less common) can I expect from treatments? How do other animals typically respond?
How will I recognize side effects? How long will treatments last and how often will they be?
What are the chances of recurrence after treatment?
What is the prognosis, with and without treatment?
What modifications do you recommend to diet and supplements?
Are there any grants/organizations to help with vet bills related to this?
Of course, I had many other questions specific to my dog and diagnosis but these questions provided a good starting point.
Once the pathology reports came back I turned to Google Scholar to look for relevant articles and case studies. This was much more helpful with Abby because her type of cancer was so rare and treatment options were very limited. The articles are written in medical jargon and can be a bit hard to digest but I plugged right through with my online dictionary and tried to comprehend as best I could. I was constantly finding case studies and forwarding them to our oncologist who I'm sure hated me for it. However, my research later proved to be very, very, useful for Abby.
In regards to nutrition and supplements, I was so overwhelmed with information about supplements and nutrition that I didn't know when to start. Just looking at the piles of articles I'd printed out, notes I'd taken, and books I'd read almost gave me a panic attack because I just didn't know what to do. I finally broke down and visited a holistic vet who gave me good advice on where to start. She gave us some recipes to get us started and a list of supplements. Some of what she told me conflicted with what I'd read, but I was thankful to have some of the information narrowed down and to know at least where to begin (In a few blogs I'll tell you our diet regime for the girls because I know that is one of the things I wanted to know most of all. I can also email the recipes the holistic vet provided as well.) Some online resources I used for nutrition were: free PDF of The Dog Cancer Diet and Nutrition and Cancer, Frontiers for a Cure!
I also decided to remove as many toxins as possible. We literally stopped drinking the water. Ironically enough, all three of our direct neighbors have lost the women in their households to cancer. While there many be no correlation, we can't help but be suspicious and plan to have the water tested. In the meantime we and our pets only drink purified, bottled water. We also switched to all natural cleaning products. I do buy our dish detergent, but buy the kind that is 99.5% natural. I found some great websites that gave recipes for cleaning products and I use those. Often times I find it's cheaper to make my own cleaning products and my house gets just as clean. You may want to check out the websites http://www.csmonitor.com/Environment/Living-Green/2008/1023/how-to-be-clean-and-green/(page)/2 and http://lorettawallace.net/clean_green. I found the second link most helpful because it had more recipes.
And all this was done before we even had the initial consult with the oncologist...Whew! Needless to say I spent many sleepless nights with my book light, a highlighter, and my snoring husband beside me. At some point my family was ready to stage an intervention because they thought I was becoming obsessed. However, in the long run, no matter what anyone else thinks, it is always better to be as educated about your situation as possible.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Lightening strikes twice - What are the odds?
On June 20th, 2011, I got the call that would forever change my life. That morning we'd taken our Abby in to have what we thought was an abscessed tooth removed. However, when our vet called later that morning, she said they'd found no abscessed tooth, but the xray showed a large mass on her left jaw. She drilled a hole and aspirated the mass and sent it off to have it analyzed. Three days later we got the results. The mass was multilobular osteosarcoma, bone cancer. When she called and told me, I fell to pieces, sobbing on the phone. I was so distraught I could hardly choke out words in response to her questions. At that point I went into a frenzy, I didn't know what to do. I thought things couldn't get any worse.
Until a small bump on Lucky started flaring up and getting a little bigger in size. It was still relatively small (less than the diameter of a dime) and look fairly innocent, yet after our ordeal with Abby, I couldn't take any chances. Despite my vet's "Let's just wait and see what it does," advice, I decided that it must be removed pronto. I thought surely it was nothing, but for my piece of mind it had to be done. I was in Raleigh with Abby visiting an oncologist at NC State when our vet called. The tumor had been Mast Cell cancer, grade 2. This time, I didn't cry. I felt completely numb. I couldn't believe this was happening with both our sweet girls at the same time. I felt guilty for not being able to cry for Lucky because I was so emotionally drained over everything going on with Abby. I was with a friend who was left utterly speechless. At some point, I think I laughed hysterically. It wasn't until I picked Abby up from NC State that I lost it and cried and cried all the way home.
Abby and Lucky's stories are both completely different, and so in this blog I will address their journey's separately. Abby's journey has been much more complex at this point, so a great deal of my posts will deal with our experiences with her. Please do not take this to mean that I love one of my girls more than the other. Both these dogs are my world, and having either of them taken at such a young age would be unbearable. The reason I started this blog, is in hopes that it will help someone else whose fur baby might be battling cancer. Maybe I can answer questions, provide hope, or just let you know that you are not alone. I met some wonderful people at dogcancercare who did that for me, and I'm just hoping to pay it forward in a small way.
Until a small bump on Lucky started flaring up and getting a little bigger in size. It was still relatively small (less than the diameter of a dime) and look fairly innocent, yet after our ordeal with Abby, I couldn't take any chances. Despite my vet's "Let's just wait and see what it does," advice, I decided that it must be removed pronto. I thought surely it was nothing, but for my piece of mind it had to be done. I was in Raleigh with Abby visiting an oncologist at NC State when our vet called. The tumor had been Mast Cell cancer, grade 2. This time, I didn't cry. I felt completely numb. I couldn't believe this was happening with both our sweet girls at the same time. I felt guilty for not being able to cry for Lucky because I was so emotionally drained over everything going on with Abby. I was with a friend who was left utterly speechless. At some point, I think I laughed hysterically. It wasn't until I picked Abby up from NC State that I lost it and cried and cried all the way home.
Abby and Lucky's stories are both completely different, and so in this blog I will address their journey's separately. Abby's journey has been much more complex at this point, so a great deal of my posts will deal with our experiences with her. Please do not take this to mean that I love one of my girls more than the other. Both these dogs are my world, and having either of them taken at such a young age would be unbearable. The reason I started this blog, is in hopes that it will help someone else whose fur baby might be battling cancer. Maybe I can answer questions, provide hope, or just let you know that you are not alone. I met some wonderful people at dogcancercare who did that for me, and I'm just hoping to pay it forward in a small way.
Snuggling on the couch with their kitty sister Tallie
Fur babies are real babies too
They say lightening never strikes twice, but I don't believe it. After this summer, I'm not sure it doesn't hone in on the same particular location and strike again, and again. Which is only too ironic since the summer before last our home was actually struck by lightening. This summer, however, it was more metaphorically speaking.
To understand me, you've first got to understand that I LOVE my dogs. My husband and I don't have children and our fur-babies have truly filled that role in our lives. They are our constant companions, loyal and loving. They put their full trust in us, and always believe that we will take care of them. No matter what. And we will. What happened this summer more than proved that.
Before we get into all that, let me tell you about my girls. I met my husband in college and we started dating in 2003. Our relationship progressed fast and in a few months we were living together. After almost a year, and one cat later (Tyson), we decided we were ready to take the next step...a puppy. Prior to this one of our favorite activities was to visit the local humane society shelter and pet the dogs and cats. It was alot of fun, but every time we left, I begged him for a puppy. A few weeks before my 23rd birthday, he finally gave in. We went to the humane shelter as usual and there was an adorable litter of hound mix puppies. I had my sights set on a black and tan puppy, but he saw a small, quiet, white puppy with brown spots, with the most adorable long spotted ears. He quickly convinced me that she was the puppy for us. That was one of the few things in our relationship that he was most certainly right about...;)
The humane society had named her Aspen, but somehow that didn't fit. We spent a couple of hours tossing around names and finally decided on Abby when she forteously glanced up when we said it. And of course the calm and quiet facade quickly wore off. She was as wild and rowdy as any puppy. Perhaps even more so. We went through the initial puppy parent phase as any new fur parent does. Little sleep, lots of cleaning up accidents and destroyed shoes, toys, and even a computer cord. However, she was the best decision we ever made, and I still say to this day the BEST birthday present I ever got.
After a few months we realized that living in a tiny apartment on the second floor wasn't cutting it for our rambunctious young pup and after graduating from college we moved several hours away close to my family. We rented my grandparents house and Abby relished in the two acre yard. It seemed life was complete. It least for the moment.
However, about 8 months later, we realized that we couldn't keep up with Abby's constant need to play. We'd gone through probably a hundred toys and were constantly interrupted to play tug-a-war or horse around. While we loved that, we obviously had things to do. It then occurred to us that maybe, Abby needed a friend. Dogs are after all pack animals.
I knew we had to get another rescue so I started scouring Petfinder.com looking for our perfect new addition. I knew I'd know when I saw her and I did. Our local rescue (Animal Rescue of Stokes County) had a beautiful female, the same age as Abby. She was white with sparse black spots including one white spotted ear and a black ear. After looking at her pictures and reading her bio, I knew without a doubt she was what we were looking for. So I contacted our local rescue. They got back in touch we me and told me just the week before, she had been adopted. I was crushed. I was so sure she had been our dog. I kept looking, half-heartedly, but none of the other dogs stood out.
Then....we got a call. It turns out the couple that had recently adopted her had returned her. Apparently she was a digger and the other couple couldn't handle that. We however, had no problem, having a big, unlandscaped yard, perfect for a girl who liked to get her paws dirty. We decided to go visit her at her foster parents and it was love at first site. A few days later we introduced her to Abby, and it was as if they were soul sisters who were meant to be together. We signed the adoption papers and she was ours. The rescue had named her Lucky, and we thought about changing her name, but after hearing her story, we decided it was a perfect fit. It turns out that when the people that originally rescued her went to the pound that she literally wrapped herself around their legs appearing to be begging to be saved. Shortly after she came down with parvo and was very, very sick. She went on to live at a foster home (with a fabulous foster Mom) and then went through an adoption that thankfully didn't worked out. She was it seemed, meant to be with us.
From the day they met, our girls have been inseparable. They snuggle and cuddle, and play, though Abby is clearly the boss. In their six years together, they have never once gotten in an actual fight. There have been a few angry growls and sniveling fits, minor squabbles that sisters have, but never once have they attacked one another as most dogs do when they fight. After Lucky our fur family was truly complete and it seemed as though God himself had helped us hand pick the perfect girls for us.
To understand me, you've first got to understand that I LOVE my dogs. My husband and I don't have children and our fur-babies have truly filled that role in our lives. They are our constant companions, loyal and loving. They put their full trust in us, and always believe that we will take care of them. No matter what. And we will. What happened this summer more than proved that.
Before we get into all that, let me tell you about my girls. I met my husband in college and we started dating in 2003. Our relationship progressed fast and in a few months we were living together. After almost a year, and one cat later (Tyson), we decided we were ready to take the next step...a puppy. Prior to this one of our favorite activities was to visit the local humane society shelter and pet the dogs and cats. It was alot of fun, but every time we left, I begged him for a puppy. A few weeks before my 23rd birthday, he finally gave in. We went to the humane shelter as usual and there was an adorable litter of hound mix puppies. I had my sights set on a black and tan puppy, but he saw a small, quiet, white puppy with brown spots, with the most adorable long spotted ears. He quickly convinced me that she was the puppy for us. That was one of the few things in our relationship that he was most certainly right about...;)
The humane society had named her Aspen, but somehow that didn't fit. We spent a couple of hours tossing around names and finally decided on Abby when she forteously glanced up when we said it. And of course the calm and quiet facade quickly wore off. She was as wild and rowdy as any puppy. Perhaps even more so. We went through the initial puppy parent phase as any new fur parent does. Little sleep, lots of cleaning up accidents and destroyed shoes, toys, and even a computer cord. However, she was the best decision we ever made, and I still say to this day the BEST birthday present I ever got.
After a few months we realized that living in a tiny apartment on the second floor wasn't cutting it for our rambunctious young pup and after graduating from college we moved several hours away close to my family. We rented my grandparents house and Abby relished in the two acre yard. It seemed life was complete. It least for the moment.
However, about 8 months later, we realized that we couldn't keep up with Abby's constant need to play. We'd gone through probably a hundred toys and were constantly interrupted to play tug-a-war or horse around. While we loved that, we obviously had things to do. It then occurred to us that maybe, Abby needed a friend. Dogs are after all pack animals.
I knew we had to get another rescue so I started scouring Petfinder.com looking for our perfect new addition. I knew I'd know when I saw her and I did. Our local rescue (Animal Rescue of Stokes County) had a beautiful female, the same age as Abby. She was white with sparse black spots including one white spotted ear and a black ear. After looking at her pictures and reading her bio, I knew without a doubt she was what we were looking for. So I contacted our local rescue. They got back in touch we me and told me just the week before, she had been adopted. I was crushed. I was so sure she had been our dog. I kept looking, half-heartedly, but none of the other dogs stood out.
Then....we got a call. It turns out the couple that had recently adopted her had returned her. Apparently she was a digger and the other couple couldn't handle that. We however, had no problem, having a big, unlandscaped yard, perfect for a girl who liked to get her paws dirty. We decided to go visit her at her foster parents and it was love at first site. A few days later we introduced her to Abby, and it was as if they were soul sisters who were meant to be together. We signed the adoption papers and she was ours. The rescue had named her Lucky, and we thought about changing her name, but after hearing her story, we decided it was a perfect fit. It turns out that when the people that originally rescued her went to the pound that she literally wrapped herself around their legs appearing to be begging to be saved. Shortly after she came down with parvo and was very, very sick. She went on to live at a foster home (with a fabulous foster Mom) and then went through an adoption that thankfully didn't worked out. She was it seemed, meant to be with us.
From the day they met, our girls have been inseparable. They snuggle and cuddle, and play, though Abby is clearly the boss. In their six years together, they have never once gotten in an actual fight. There have been a few angry growls and sniveling fits, minor squabbles that sisters have, but never once have they attacked one another as most dogs do when they fight. After Lucky our fur family was truly complete and it seemed as though God himself had helped us hand pick the perfect girls for us.
Abby & Lucky on Lucky's 1st day with us
Best friends forever!
Brother Tyson
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