Leap of Faith

Abby's CT was done at a local speciality hospital who worked with us to get the results that day and have them submitted to CSU immediately.  Even as fast as they worked, it wasn't fast enough.  I carried my phone around that day, completely distracted at work.  I knew there was a strong possibility the results would be bad, but I had to believe in the possibility they would be good. 

It was that evening before Dr. Nolan from CSU called me back.  I was on my way to pick up Abby and my sister had graciously gone with me for support (Thank GOD for my families support through all of this!).  When I saw the number on my phone my pulse skyrocketed and I picked it up anxious to hear what he had to say. 

In order for the surgery to be possible, the tumor could not have crossed the mid-line The tumor had not crossed into her brain despite what the emergency room vet had predicted.  It was very close to crossing mid-line but had not yet.  The surgery would still be a gamble as they predicted only a 60% chance of being able to completely excise the tumor.  And of course there was the risk of complications during surgery.  There was a 15% chance she wouldn't even make it through the surgery.

Complicating matters even further was the timeline.  We had hoped to leave the next week because my husband could only get 3 days off, and working a 12 hour swing shift, it just so happened that the next week fit into his schedule.  However, the next week he couldn't do it because he would need 4 days off. Unfortunately there was no way to fit her surgery in the following week. That meant that in order to make the trip we'd have to wait TWO more weeks and pray there wasn't any more growth in the tumor that would worsen the odds even further.

It was a HUGE decision.  Not only was it a big risk in the first place, it would also put us in an  even bigger financial bind between the cost of travel and the surgery.  I went home that evening fully anticipating a big discussion/arguement with my husband.  Instead, he said,"Let's do it," and the decision was made.

That's not to say we didn't waiver in our faith in our decision.  The next two weeks were full of fears.  I broke down several times, uncertain if we were doing the right thing.  Surgery would require a long, painful recovery.  Was it fair to do that to Abby?  Would she want this?  If they didn't get all of the tumor, how much time were we really buying her?  Would it be worth it then? 

In the meantime, I was scrambling to get everything together.  In order to do this, I had to take a whole week off of work.  We also had to rent a car as we needed an SUV and our SUV is older and we weren't sure it would make the long trip out there.  We had get a loan from our bank just to fund the trip itself  and between gas, lodging and the car rental we were looking at spending 2K. It added up fast.  But some force drove me to keep on, and through my doubt this seed of hope remained.  There was this voice inside me that seemed to calm me and tell me it would all work out.  And so with that small grain of hope, we took the biggest leap of faith of our lives.